This One’s For Kerry

SEVEN PRONGS?!

I listened to your voice mail and laughed hysterically for, like, 10 minutes.

Love you, Ker!!!!

Kansas City….

So I’m tentatively planning to be in Kansas City on August 18 & 19. I was *hoping* that maybe all of you KC (and surrounding area) bloggers might like to get together for a lil’ soiree at some point during my trip. Maybe an early afternoon thing on the 19th?

If you’re in, post a comment…

Holy Busy

I have been so busy for the past four days that I didn’t have any sort of couch potato time in which I could catch up on The Closer or Big Brother or, like, the nine million episodes of Property Ladder and Moving Up (thanks, TLC, I’m obsessed) that are currently overloading my DVR.

I did, however, have time to discover this amazing Bucket o’ Mojito thing at World Market. Mmmm… tasty.

Moving on…

Ok, so I’m putting all of the unpleasantness from the week behind me. And now it’s time for some fun. Here’s what’s on tap for the weekend:

1. Bunco tonight with my DG alumni sisters. Woot!
2. Pug Meetup tomorrow. Hopefully Lola’s boyfriend will show up.
3. Dancing tomorrow night with Jenelle and a group of ladies from another department at work. It’s been awhile since I did that.
4. Brunch at the art museum with Jill on Sunday. And probably some TJ Maxx or Target time, cause that’s how we roll.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!!

And thanks for your words of encouragement. Y’all rock.

Things I Don’t Get #302

People who still wear fanny packs.

DUNZO!

So. The Crush/The Ass and I are officially over. Finito. No mas.

It ended rather anticlimactically (is that a word) – he called me Sunday night and apologized profusely. Gave weird (like REALLY weird- implausible weird) reasons why he was unable to call me on Saturday (when he STOOD ME UP!). Asked me to call him from Ohio (btw, I’m in Ohio). I called. Left a message. Haven’t heard back. So today, in a display of pure wussiness, I sent him an email.

Yeah, yeah, I know. An email. But here’s the thing, y’all – it’s sort of been talked to death between him and I before. We’ve had some weird issues that most couples (if we ever were actually considered such a thing!) don’t experience in the first three months of dating. And so with me being the overtalker/oversharer, etc. that I am, I’ve tried to be really open and talk about issues as they arose. It obviously hasn’t done much good. So I didn’t really feel like having another exhausting conversation about the whole thing. So I carefully composed an email that I thought was fair, well thought out and essentially said that if things remained the status quo, I didn’t think it was a good situation. Though I did offer him the opportunity to suggest how we might make it right.

How did he respond?

Four sentences:

You make a good point. This probably won’t work. This type of thing happens too often regardless of blame: earrings, the talk on Thursday, the Saturday thing, and your periodic angry text messages, emails, and voicemails. Take care.

Wow. Thank you. Really. For exemplifying EXACTLY why this was over. Way to take ZERO responsibility for anything. Like standing me up, disappearing for days at a time, lying and in general being someone completely untrustworthy and kind of a pompous, immature, inexperienced ass. Hence the name (The Ass). And if any angry message of any sort was ever left, it was because of the behavior described above. And I wouldn’t call them angry. More like sarcastic and biting.

So there you have it. It’s done.

And truthfully, I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So if anyone is available, I’m free for cocktails tonight to celebrate.

I Want Charles in Charge of Me

So there’s a new show on VH1 called Scott Baio is 45… and Single. And I find it hilarious for a multitude of reasons.

First, it’s a reality show about Scott Baio. SCOTT FREAKIN’ BAIO!

Second, Scott is 45 and single and afraid of commitment and is a compulsive cheater. And he’s on TV admitting this.

Third, Jason Hervey is one of his best friends. You may remember Jason from The Wonder Years where he played Kevin’s jerky older brother, Wayne. We also share the same birthday, along with Candace Cameron of Full House fame.

Fourth, one of Scott’s assignments from a life coach he has hired to help him straighten himself out is to reconcile with old girlfriends to find out what went wrong and to apologize to them for any wrongdoing. This includes girlfriends like Julie McCullough, best known as Mike Seaver’s girlfriend, Julie Costello, on Growing Pains. She was the girlfriend who was also Chrissy’s nanny and the Seavers took her on a cruise.

I have no idea how I know/remember all of these completely useless facts. I can’t remember the plot of a movie that I saw two months ago, yet I can recall an entire Growing Pains story line (and the theme song in its entirety).

Nonetheless, Scott Baio is 45… and Single is my new guilty pleasure of the summer. At least until The Hills returns.

Ugh.

In all of the dating I’ve managed to squeeze into the past 10 years, I have never been stood up.

Until tonight.

Yup, The Crush stood me up. We made plans on Thursday night and today… nothing. No phone call. No explanation. Nothing.

So I think, unless he has a reason similar to “I was in the hospital after a near-fatal car accident,” he no longer deserves the title of The Crush.

More like The Ass.

I am so done. So, so, so done.

And now I’m going to go cry for a bit.

Pownce!

I feel special because my friend, Matt, sent me an invite to join Pownce. It’s invite-only at this point, which basically makes me feel like one of the cool kids.

I have six invites of my own, so I thought I’d offer them up to you guys first, since you are all pretty tech-savvy and I think you’re cool too.

If you’re interested, leave a comment or send me an email.

Yowza! I’ve been tagged!

Erin tagged me. Oye! Now I must reveal 8 secrets. So basically, it’s kind of like any other day here at ACGIK…

1. I obsessively read the engagements and wedding announcements in every Sunday’s newspaper. I make snap judgments about each couple, their financial status, how tacky or nice their wedding might have been and whether or not their marriage will last.
2. I really, really like Fergie.
3. I’m still actually really kind of frustrated and hurt over the whole friend break-up with Carly. And the complication that it brings to my situation with The Crush only makes it more frustrating. I really need to just stop thinking about it altogether. And that is the one and only serious and/or deeply personal thing that I’m going to discuss on this list.
4. I kind of think my dog is a person. A very hairy, very small person.
5. I check my Blackberry at 3 am when I wake up to pee and read my emails. And then I forget about them in the morning and read them again.
6. I once jell-o wrestled (fully clothed! keep your minds out of the gutter!) at a college party after explicitly instructing Martine to not let me jump in the jell-o filled kiddie pool because I knew it was exactly the kind of thing I would want to do after drinking large quantities of “jungle juice” (ah… jungle juice). She warned me not to do it, but true to form, I went for it anyway. I was stained red for two days.
7. I’m afraid of dolls. They give me the creeps. I’m also afraid of weeds and the sprouts that grow on potatoes as they go bad. I can’t buy potatoes for this reason.
8. I want to be a private investigator and my pal/ex-bf, Aaron, and I laugh about this for days because he comes up with secret missions for me to help hone my PI skills. Plus, I am really good at eavesdropping, general snooping and nosiness. And, As Andy once put it, I have a PhD in Google.

Ok, so now I’m going to tag all of you who blog because I really want to know what your 8 secrets are. Because, ya know, I’m nosy like that.

Good Things

1. C.O. Bigelow menthol body wash with peppermint oil. It seriously cools you off after a workout and makes you smell minty. Which is kind of nice and also kind of weird.
2. Brie on baguette. Delish.
3. Kim Crawford Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc ($18 or so)
4. The now defunct TV show Firefly, living on through DVDs that The Crush and I have been watching. I never thought that I would like Sci-Fi, but apparently I kinda do. More specifically, I like Nathan Fillion.
5. Gap Body’s cheeky hipster. Ladies, you know what I mean.
6. Lola.
7. Planet Sub’s Green Turkey sandwich. Hold the salsa and the onions.
8. Jazzercise.
9. Delta Gamma.
10. My Kiss Me I’m Irish shirt that I wear regularly, even though I’m not Irish and it’s not St. Patty’s day.
11. The Mentee.
12. Free lunch.
13. Summer cable TV series – Rescue Me on FX, The Closer on TNT, and Weeds on Showtime.
14. Tennis. I’m taking lessons.
15. My friend Matt earning himself a really fantastic opportunity in Washington, D.C. Which is fabulous for him but kinda sad for me because then I won’t have anyone to share crazy marketing ideas with or make fun of people that we went to school with. Only he can fully appreciate Jeanine in all of her wonder.
16. Fast Company magazine. Post coming shortly regarding bottled water. Pretend to be excited.
17. Air conditioning.
18. Sleep.

Blah.

I quit. I’m giving up on relationships. They’re too confusing.

Do you men come with a decoder ring? Cause I’ll buy a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms if they’re the prize in the box.

I also really like the marshmallows.

My Mentee

A month or so ago, something rather exciting happened at work. We got an intern. Yes, an intern. Which is pretty great on many levels, including that I can dump menial tasks on him without feeling guilty.

But even better is the fact that he’s a really great kid – ridiculously smart, funny, cute, and incredibly kind. In fact, were I six years younger, I would totally be crushing on him.

Interns here at the corporate office of Really Big Company, Inc. are paired up with mentors. And my boss decided that I would make a good mentor and he knew that I would take great delight in molding the fragile mind of one of America’s youth. He might be regretting that now…

The Intern and I have become fast friends and co-conspirators, not to mention cube-mates (he’s my first!). He calls me “Mentoir” (mentor with a French twist because, as he said it, “Mentor sounds too masculine and you like fashion and that’s kinda French”) and I call him “Mentee.”

We set up meeting requests to do things like discuss where we’re going to lunch or if we need to have a heart to heart (or “H to H”) to deal with office drama. I help him with his intern project, which is a fantastic marketing project that they’ve assigned to science and accounting interns. So his science brain and my marketing brain work together to come up with some pretty cool ideas. He puts up with my girl talk and communicating via song lyrics. Sung, of course. He’s dealt with my jazzercise performances and faux tap dance and incessant throwing of random office supplies at his back, balloon tossing, snorting when I laugh, general craziness and the occasional playing with my dancing hamster.

Best compliement ever – when he pulled me aside for an H to H right after I had a particularly rough day because I felt picked on for being different. And by different, I mean that I’m outgoing, kinda goofy and have more pizazz than most of my co-workers. He told me that he was proud of me for always being myself and being fun and silly in an office full of non-sillys. He said that I make him look forward to coming to work each day and I’m easy to work with. I even remind him of his older sisters. And that he and I should always have open communication and tell each other what we think. And he likes being my mentee.

Greatest. Feeling. Ever.

I told him that he made my day. Then I said something about warm fuzzies and he rolled his eyes and got back to work.

Being a mentor pretty much kicks ass.

Preach It, Rev Run!

As you all know, watching MTV is part of my other job. So it should be no surprise that I watch (and like) Run’s House. If you’ve ever tuned in, you know that Rev Run ends every epsiode with a bubble bath, typing an inspirational email to his friends on his Blackberry.

Well, I happen to be a recipient of these emails. Don’t get all excited – I signed up for them online as part of the job. Really. I swear.

So usually, I skim them, feel mildly inspired and then go on about my bizness… But today’s message seemed aimed right at me:

Good morning. You must despise where you are before you will ever be where you want to be! You will never change your location until you determine your EXACT destination. If you REALLY want a marriage and a family you must persist! How much do you hate being alone? How much do you hate where you live? How much do you hate living a mediocre life?(Remember!!!!!!) THE PROOF OF DESIRE IS PURSUIT!!
God is Love
Rev Run

INSOMNIA

I think I have it.

Boo.